Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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