We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
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