Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
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Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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