you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need Xanax blowdarts
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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