I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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