i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize