I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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