My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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