When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Randomize