The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize