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I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
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