I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
50% drunk capacity currently
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize