I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
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it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
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I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
we're so committed to being not committed
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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