I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize