Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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