All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Dicks are not precious.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize