You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
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Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
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Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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