dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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