Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
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Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
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I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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