In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
high people should be assigned attendants
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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