dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
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