I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
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