do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize