do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize