When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
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Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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