I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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