is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
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He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
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Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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