OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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