Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
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