i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize