I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize