Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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