best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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