he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
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Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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