Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
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