I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
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we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
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My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize