Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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