wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize