Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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