I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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