her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
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