if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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