I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
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In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
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URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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