I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
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Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
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Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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