Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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