so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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