I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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