if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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