What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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