there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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