Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize